When a couple accepts the legal ties of matrimony with the planning and approval of their guardians or families, it is considered to be an arranged marriage. Because their parents and other extended family members negotiate the connection as though it were a business agreement, the bride and groom may not have much voice in the situation.
Many
of the couples that get together in this method grew up together, despite the
fact that some people view the arrangement as a forced betrothal. The bond
between the bride and groom might develop because there was more going on than
just blind emotion because they were childhood friends or their families
frequently interacted.
It
is critical to keep in mind that an arranged marriage is not a coerced union.
People from all over the world are coerced into relationships they do not want
to be in for the benefit of their families or their cultures. The majority of
couples who enter into an arranged marriage first meet and consent to a
courtship facilitated by their families.
There
are undoubtedly certain benefits to having a partner chosen for you through an
arranged marriage, but there are still some drawbacks to this union in
countries where it is still common. To review are these essential points.
List of the Advantages of Arranged Marriage
1. You already know what the goal of the relationship is when you first start dating
Many
people, much like what you see on the big screen, desire the element of
surprise in their personal relationships. It seems like a lovely moment to have
someone unexpectedly propose to you. There is a benefit to be thought about
while excluding this viewpoint for those who have experienced an arranged
marriage. Everyone may be upfront about their expectations when there is an
understanding that marriage is the goal of the partnership.
HudaAl-Marashi, who has been in an arranged marriage for over 20 years, writes for
Self that "clear intentions are a fast road to personal and profound dialogue,"
and "from away, we were able to talk honestly about the subjects that
actually matter in a relationship - compatibility, values, and so on."
2. Sharing values and traditions means there is one less obstacle
There
are less cultural issues to negotiate as you go toward being a committed pair
when there is an arranged marriage. There can be obstacles in the way if you
meet someone independently due to your employment, education, or religion.
Families may disagree on where to have the wedding or how to nurture the
children over something as basic as Catholic vs. Protestant identity in the
United States.
According
to Al-Marashi, "not only were we brought up with the same religion and
customs, but we both loved them and wished to pass them on... I was grateful to
have a partner who can help me pass along as much of my ancestry to my children
as possible because I have already lost so much of my family's culture and
traditions.
3.
You can know what you want in a partner without the pain of past relationships
The
Western dating scene means that you are under constant pressure to date
numerous people to see what type of person you’d like to settle in with for a
serious relationship. People constantly ask if that boyfriend or girlfriend is
“the one.” It is not unusual for well-meaning friends to ask how someone can
know that they’ll get married if they haven’t dated several others in the past.
Men average six serious relationships, and women average five if they choose
marriage independently.
Being
with one partner doesn't limit one's path to self-knowledge, she says; it's
just a different way to walk. "I do not doubt that the life experience
gained from past relationships can teach us something about ourselves,"
says Al-Marashi, "but that does not mean that there is less opportunity
for self-discovery and growth from within a committed relationship."
4. It eliminates the ambiguity of a relationship
In
the West, marriages are frequently founded on confusing emotions that the
normal individual has little control over, especially in the early stages of a
relationship. When picking a college or university, people will read restaurant
reviews, ask for advice on cars, and seek assistance, but when choosing a
partner with whom they might wish to have children in the future, they will
rely only on their gut feelings. Chemistry, sparks, or butterflies are not
necessary for an arranged marriage. Pragmatism serves as its cornerstone.
5.
There are many different kinds of love stories.
It
is common for a person in an arranged marriage to question whether they had
fallen in love with their partner prior to the wedding. There are so many
various types of love stories that entail instantaneous adoration. Everyone,
regardless of culture, has the freedom to choose to love and cherish their own
life story, even if their families assisted in writing it. Some people chase
after their lovers, but it may be much simpler if your closest friends helped
you find the one who might be the appropriate match for you.
List of the Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage
1.
Decisions are sometimes made using contradictions
A
parent's attempt to match their daughter with a man who worked in the United
States is described in a shared story on The Talko. She didn't wear glasses when
video chatting with the family of her future spouse, despite the fact that the
first interactions between the families went smoothly. They felt she was being
dishonest by not wearing them when they first made contact because bad eyesight
is viewed as a weakness. She would come off as pretentious if she wore
contacts.
No
one is perfect, yet there can be an expectation of perfection when partnering
with someone in an arranged marriage. These relationships struggle to work
because of that perspective.
2.
There can be a lack of trust in the eventual relationship
This
drawback frequently happens when the couple in issue does not have enough time
to meet before the ceremony. In order to avoid a forced union, both parties can
choose to wed voluntarily, although this does not negate the possibility of a
lack of trust. Some people in this circumstance are compelled to share intimate
moments with a spouse who is a complete stranger. It may be difficult to start
the marriage off on the right foot because of this.
3. It gives men more of an opportunity to control the relationship
The
notion that the male is the head of the home is supported by many of the
cultures that accept the idea of an arranged marriage. Every choice the couple
may make in the future will be influenced by this patriarchal attitude. In
accordance with the wishes of their spouse, women are given the responsibility
of raising children, cooking, and maintaining the household. This relationship
structure creates dependencies, making it impossible for a woman to leave an
abusive husband because she is cut off from all social supports.
Even
her family might encourage staying in the marriage instead of leaving in an
abusive situation because of the cultural implications a divorce would have on
them.
4. This relationship eliminates the decision-making process for a courtship
Even
though an arranged marriage might assist couples move past the getting to know
one another phase of courting more quickly, this approach can occasionally
cause reluctance. Although it can appear that there is a choice whether to
join, the person may be more afraid of the repercussions if they decide to go
their own way.
According
to Zarghuna Kargar, "I had to either be a decent Afghan girl, who accepted
whatever decision was made for me, or be a terrible girl, and leave."
"I was worried since breaking an engagement was a big deal. We got married
as a result of my decision to do things the Afghan way since I am a decent
Afghan lady. It was an awful feeling the whole time.
5. It forces intimacy to be the cornerstone of relationship-building
If
an intimate encounter between two people is favourable, the shared physical
contact serves to further bind them together. People move away from one another
if the moment is forced, unfavourable, or unwanted. Some cultures also
anticipate specific occurrences at this time, such as bleeding to signify the
bride is a virgin. If that expectation is not fulfilled, the man develops
mistrust for the circumstances surrounding their union and may occasionally act
violently as a result.
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